Next week I turn 30. Holy crap. The big 3.0. The supposedly best years of your life. I have a great job that I love and am moving forward with my career as a designer and photographer. I finally have the ability to take dance as much as I please, and have found an amazing local studio with plenty of adult classes. I’m taking part in Kathryn Morgan’s 12 Week Challenge and feel like some weight is starting to come off and I’m getting stronger every day. But I can’t help feeling something special is supposed to happen. At 30 I expected so much…well, more. I thought I’d be married, have a house and be settled, but I don’t and I’m not. I went to college late, and it took me a long time to figure out what I want. Along the way I loved and lost, and loved again and lost again. I hurt someone who deserves someone that won’t do so. I’m turning 30 and all of that is supposed to be behind me but I feel like it is just beginning. In a way, I don’t feel 30 at all I feel like I’m turning 21 again. When I was 21 I had no clue what grown up life was. I was making good money bartending and going out all the time buying things excessively, and if I could go back I would tell myself to save that money!
I almost feel like I’m breaking free, like this is my year and my time and turn to finally be me and bloom. To write my own story and take my hold in the world. Sure, maybe not everything will go according to plan, maybe I will stumble and fall (like I usually do in petit allegro!) but it will be okay because I will be able to try again. In a way, I’d rather attempt to fly then to never know what would happen if I had never tried. 30 isn’t the end, as a lot of people wind up feeling, it is a beginning. A beginning for new dance adventures, trials, and overcoming boundaries. To improve technique and artistry and hopefully get to perform again. In my career, to grow and prosper, taking on a new business venture with photography and seeing where opportunities will take me. Life is an adventure, and I am grabbing the ribbons to see where the shoe takes me!
“In ballet you always know where the step is, the rules haven’t changed for the past hundred years. But things can’t stay the same forever, we all have to learn new tricks even when every fiber of our body is against it” -Tara, “Dance Academy”