Hope is the Anthem of my Soul | Adult Ballet Blog | National Suicide Awareness Week

Suicide Awareness Week confession: I’ve struggled with depression, hopelessness, and feeling like I am never enough for most of my life. It wasn’t until I was in my mid 20s that I could admit to myself that I had a mental illness. I’ve felt like most people would be better off if I’m not here, and I know how easy it is to slip into the darkness that is our own minds. I’ve failed so many times at jobs, and felt like I don’t fit in anywhere, even in the industries I love and want to make a career in. As I sit here and write this I am in tears because yet again I have disappointed people that I care abouts opinions and the familiar feeling of hopelessness is taking over. I work full time and am growing a photography business, and basically just made a fool of myself in front of prominent vendors for working full time and not editing fast enough. It makes me feel like I should throw in the towel because I will never be able to edit a full session in 2 weeks. Today I felt guilty for going to class and not staying home to edit. I was told I was unprofessional because I told someone my timeline for editing was because I worked full time as well as growing my business. Now I’m sitting here downing wine and feeling guilty for writing this blog.


The point of this is I want you to know you’re not alone, what you are feeling, others are feeling too. Sure I feel like crap and am crying into my wine, but I know I’m a great photographer and clients who have my timeline expectations and are ok with it are the people for me (shameless self promotion: http://www.aliciaannphoto.com) Hope is the anthem of my soul, and I hope that one day I can accomplish my dreams and be able to be good enough to fit in this industry that seems to take and never give.
National Suicide Awareness Week: https://twloha.com/

xx,

Alicia 

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2 thoughts on “Hope is the Anthem of my Soul | Adult Ballet Blog | National Suicide Awareness Week

  1. Thanks for writing this. I feel awful at everything sometimes, too. You take beautiful photos! I’d say the problem is not with you but with people who act entitled without having any idea what actually goes into doing your job. You don’t have to feel guilty for taking time to do other things, since that is what it takes to stay sane and healthy enough to be able to do one’s job well and not burn out. At least for most people. Maybe some can work around the clock and be just fine, but I don’t trust people like that.

    1. Thank you! I completely agree, it’s definitely time to put restrictions on what people see on Facebook. I don’t see anything wrong with taking time for self care and doing the things I love either, or how not working 24/7 is offensive when I bust my rump as it is!

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