We are one week out from casting going out and it’s one week after my very first audition for anything in my life ever (and at 32 nevertheless). If you read my last post you’re probably asking “how did it go!?” And the answer is that overall I think it went well, and regardless, I’m glad I did it. Barre went pretty good, I messed up and en dedans turn but I’ve never been good at turns at the barre. I made sure to really get my legs up, balance well, and smile! Center, which was on pointe and I haven’t taken a pointe class since May, went as good as I could have probably expected. I had no idea what to expect, and definitely was underprepared. The good thing is I have plenty to work on now, and have been doing so all week! I’m not good at picking up choreography, especially if an unfamiliar move is in there, and I knew this going in was one of the things they look for. Certain things like arabesques, exhappés, developpes and a fun glissadé jeté combo went well, turns, pas de coru (I think I did more of a bourré…oops) and speed in general not so much.
No matter what the outcome, I’m glad I did it, and will definitely try again next year when I’m stronger and better. These past 2 years have been my most consistent being back dancing and I have definitely come a LONG way! Even today in class, I remembered combos, my balance was great and my legs floated up easier. Even petite allegro was not a total disaster! It’s days like this that make you see you have improved! I look back at pictures from 2 years ago, and not only have I lost about 20 lbs but the quality of the movement and inline has definitely improved as well as confidence!
2 years ago:
They say the best part of things like this is the journey, and I have felt like I haven’t been improving and still have weight to lose. However, I’m doing better than I was and am excited to see where the next year will take me and what else I can find to audition for!
Today is the day! I’m a mix of nerves, doubt, and panic…with a touch of excitement because I’ve never auditioned for anything in my life in person (everything in the aerial world is video audition) so the fact that there are no re-do’s is definitely one of my biggest fears. I’ve gone to new classes before and felt so nervous before that I can’t do anything right and am pretty terrified this could go the same way. I also know I’m leagues behind every other dancer that will be present, since I only started ballet (inconsistently) at 21, besides when I was 3 and did a few years and a group recital to Animal Crackers in My Soup.
So this morning I’m going to indulge in some yoga, try not to overthink, pack extra shoes just in case (Mom’s advice) and hope I get manage to get something in the back of the core!
Here goes nothing!
Pirouettes on point….
Something that has terrified me for most of my ballet life! Well, it’s time to get over the fear and get to work on them! I have been ok with echappé and passé for quite some time, but the prospect of turning up there just makes me panic and think I’m going to break my ankle. I’m also okay with stepping into turns like piqué. Then I get in my head too much…do I turn as I go up? Do I turn after I go up? Am I going to face plant or fall into the person next to me?
A few months ago I was practicing my pointework, and after doing a bunch of echappés, I for some reason became courageous and went for a pirouette! While it wasn’t perfect or even close, I didn’t die and I didn’t break anything so I figured it’s time to start working on them after class. With some encouragement from teachers and my ballet buddy, Katy, I started working on them once or twice a week. Some days they are ok, some days I can’t do them to save my life. The biggest thing I’ve noticed is the thing that holds me back is fear. The more I sit and think about the turn, the more I panic and the less chance I have of getting up there or completing the turn!
Getting out of my head is hard in real life and ballet life. Sometimes it helps to not be worried about people laughing in class, and to work in flats in class then put on my pointe shoes after for practicing combos and turns.
So after a few weeks off of class, I was back in the boots practicing those pirouettes. Nervous, but I think sometimes ballet just doesn’t leave us. Even if we take some time off, the memory of he movement is still there, and sometimes better than before. This is my first time sharing my pirouettes en pointe and yes it’s scary because I know they’re not perfect. But I’m starting here, this is day 1!