This week I took my first pointe class in 2 years! The availability of adult pointe classes in my area is non-existent unless you want to travel to Boston, but that’s way to far for me to make on any kind of weekly basis, so the past few years I have just been doing my own work at home and in the aerial studio when I go practice by myself. The last time I took a full class on pointe was when I was working at the ballroom studio my mom goes to as a graphic designer and got to take free classes. There was an adult beginner class mid way through one of my shifts so I used it as my break and took the class with my pointe shoes on instead of on flat like everyone else. Otherwise all of my classes have been on flat and too advance for me to do on pointe anyway, which is fine, I would go home many times and do some strength exercises at my home barre. Someday I’ll be able to do those pirouettes on pointe!
I was a little nervous to go to this class because it was at a new studio that I had never been to and I was afraid I would be the worst one. On top of it the teacher is a former ABT dancer! But boy was I surprised when I walked in to one of the most positive and welcoming atmospheres I’ve ever experienced in ballet! Stephanie was warm and welcoming, assuring me that we were going to start with strength work and build our feet and then do a basic pointe barre after.
We started with a floor barre (which now I want to do every day!) and warmed up our feet with theraband exercises and some plie’s and tendu’s. The last half of class we put on our shoes and worked through demi pointe and pointe at the barre. This was the first class where I didn’t feel uncomfortable due to my size and lack of turnout. I don’t know why, but for some reason I felt completely content, which is rare. I felt joyful the entire class and still had a spring in my step when I went to work the next day (despite the fact that we’re all getting laid off after I’ve only been there a week) and felt confident. Sure I was a little rusty, but I definitely will find a way to keep coming to class and return to my other classes as well since that’s when I see progress. For today I’m off to do a photoshoot with my friend and make her into a fairy princess, but first, to the barre for plie’s!
See you at the barre!
Well I finally have some good news, I got a job! Back to my previous company but in another department and still doing design, and the same pay rate so I can afford ballet again!!!! I can’t wait to be back!
At the same time of feeling success, I can’t help but feeling sad. I’ve wanted my job back for so long, mainly because it’s semi secure income and a good pay rate, plus I’m getting the coveted industry experience needed for even better jobs. The first few days I was excited and very happy, but today I feel sad. Having to go back to waking up early, spending hours commuting with angry rush hour drivers, and sitting at a desk all day instead of working out, making art and trying to figure out how to gain clients in my photography business. I guess the last one is the worst, I feel like I’ve failed in getting by business off the ground while I had time off. With all the time off I should be a marketing wizard and be getting inquiries daily and booking clients! But I’m not and I don’t understand why. I know it’s not my quality of work, but getting in front of people who are looking for photography services. I feel like I failed myself and my true calling to go back to slaving to “the man” that is corporate business that is only another temp contract.
On the plus side, I have my ballet schedule all laid out and am about to go to some barre and pointe strength exercises so I don’t go back to class weak and terrible! It will be so good to go back to the studio again, even if I do make a fool of myself forgetting combos most of the time, maybe some day I’ll fit in!
So this is something I’ve been thinking about doing for a while. I’ve been inspired by fellow bloggers and vloggers (even though they are a lot more interesting than me) and I guess I have interesting things to do or talk about, but I feel kind of silly. Here’s the girl who was bullied in high school, college and everywhere in between, who the heck wants to watch and listen to me??? My boyfriends probably going to laugh at me and my moms probably going to think I have a few more screws loose in my head, but honestly, filming was a lot of fun! I’ve never seen myself talk on camera and it came pretty naturally. I’m making a lot of lifestyle changes with healthy eating, more yoga and meditation, ballet multiple times a week, cooking, and working in the real world about to be on my own. So some people might laugh at me, and I’m sure there will be a few trolls trying to bring down my positive vibes (seriously, get a life) but I feel like a fresh start, and I might as well join the social media Vlog community along with it. Maybe no one will watch, listen or care. But if I can be inspired by others, who are just regular people like me, then I hope I can inspire one person too. Maybe I’m not inspiring, I’ve struggled with self image for years now because I used to be confident and would be called a snobby stuck up bitch by people who didn’t even know me. Then they would start talking to me and be like “wow you’re actually really nice, I thought you were a bitch because of how you look” (ummmmm….what!? I didn’t know bitch had a look!?). So I always thought I’d put myself down before everyone else had the chance to. Well I’m not going to do that anymore, because people are going to be mean and judge and make you feel bad regardless of how you view yourself. We have to have to power and belief in ourselves to ignore them and continue to be happy and confident! So here we go!
Vlog # 1:
Also, here are some of my yummy healthy eats from this week!
Take beautiful photos,
Live a beautiful life ❤️